Ah, greed—the “G” word!
The image of a hideous, drooling monster with dollar signs for eyes, and outstretched, demanding hands comes to my mind.
It is one of the deadly sins, after all. But for me, I somehow internalized that it was especially bad if you’re a girl.
I got this message from an early age. Many well-meaning lectures on what was lady-like were directed at me. And greed was definitely not lady-like. (Don’t worry, my brother got insidious messages about manhood, so we’re all equal.)
Fast forward to now, me in my mid-forties, sitting with a calculator and a notepad. I was planning the next year of my life, and realizing – dang it! – I couldn’t afford everything I wanted.
Cue the internal dialogue:
“You should just feel lucky for what you have. Haven’t you already got enough? How dare you be greedy?”
Ugh. The familiar refrain of guilt and shame.
One of my heroes, Paula Pant’s sage advice floated into my head: “You can afford anything, but not everything.” (Thanks, Paula. I know you’re right, but could you not right now?)
In frustration, I wanted to scream: Why can’t I be greedy?!
So, I took a deep breath, and decided it was time for examination. Here’s the messy thoughts and emotions I unpacked around greed – and how I’ve come to want what I want without shame!
Greed or Ambition in Disguise?
My first thought was, maybe what I was feeling wasn’t greed at all? What if it was ambition?
Perhaps I was simply pushing myself to dream bigger, to aim higher, but my unconscious “feminine sensibilities” labeled it as greed?
So, first, I needed to flesh out the difference between greed and ambition.
I came to the conclusion that greed usually comes from a place of scarcity. And it manifests itself as the insatiable desire for more, regardless of the consequences for others or even your own well-being. It’s driven by fear of loss, a need for control, and a lack of consideration for the world around you.
Ambition, on the other hand, is rooted in growth and aspiration. Its about pushing your limits, reaching new heights, and striving for fulfillment, while maintaining empathy and connection to the world around you.
It’s not about hoarding resources; it’s about realizing potential.
From the outside, its difficult to tell ambition from greed – so its easy for others to label all wanting as being greedy. And its occasionally wielded like a weapon to try and keep you in your place.
The trick is to let them try! But don’t do it to yourself.
Every time I feel the twinge to berate myself for being an unladylike, greedy monster – I know to look for the ambition hiding underneath. If I find it, then I know I’m on the right path, and what others think is irrelevant.
Greed or An Excuse?
Another thought came to mind — was I using the fear of “being greedy” as an excuse? Was I afraid of the risk that comes with pushing myself?
After all, if you tell yourself that wanting more is greedy, you don’t have to do anything! You don’t have to step outside your comfort zone or face the fear of failure.
Its a convenient way to stay stuck and avoid the vulnerability that comes with ambition.
Upon reflection, I was most definitely using greed as an excuse to play things safe, from time to time. And in the most cowardly way, by blaming forces outside of my control – like the societal pressure to be lady-like!
While that cultural phenomenon exists, its not ultimately to blame for my choices. At least it doesn’t have to be anymore!
Being a grown up means admitting when you’re scared and not feeling up to the challenge. Recognizing it as fear makes it possible to correctly address. Fear can be overcome.
Now I know, when that “don’t be so greedy” thought pops up, I have to check underneath to make sure its not just avoidance.
Can Greed and Gratitude Coexist?
I realized that I had also been thinking of greed and gratitude as opposing forces—either you’re content and thankful, or you’re selfish and demanding. My internal dialogue around feeling greedy definitely involved self-accusations of ungratefulness!
Wanting more seemed to disrespect all the blessings I already have.
But are the two really mutually exclusive? I thought to myself, gratitude can’t be about settling or staying in one place!
After all, It’s an acknowledgment of the abundance you’ve experienced. And sometimes, that gratitude sparks ambition—a desire to grow and expand on what you already have.
Cultivating gratitude in your life is actually the fuel for what others may take for greed!
So, call me selfish and demanding, if you want! Truly appreciating the valuable things in my life – experiences, relationships, time – I would be an idiot to not try and have more!
Making Friends With Greed
Armed with my new perspective on greed, I went back to planning. Every time I wrote down something that I wanted, and that familiar twinge of guilt and shame popped up, I tried to sit with it.
Hey greedy-girl, what’s really going on with you? You seeing potential, or are you scared? Show me the way, greed!
Turns out, greed has been good to me. It has taught me to recognize ambition, take responsibility, and let go of worrying whether people think I’m greedy.
Yes, I had to cross some things off my wish list for the next year. But now I have no shame around having wanted them. And I left a few more on, after peeling back the guilt disguises.
Free Your Greed!
All my unpacking, I’ve come to realize that what I had been labeling as greed was often just ambition, desire, or even gratitude for what I already had and wanted to build upon.
The key is in recognizing the difference: greed is about scarcity, while ambition is about growth, fueled by purpose and a connection to the world around you.
Instead of letting societal expectations and internalized guilt paralyze me, I’ve decided to embrace the label of greedy. There’s no shame in wanting more.
How about you? Are you ready to free your greed? What thoughts and emotions are you carrying around with you that keep you from embracing your desires?
Tell me about it in the comments below!
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